nicolasiscaged: [12 year old kid from the 50s who plays baseball voice] why i oughta
internetexplorers: *subtle hints of self hatred in everything i say*
arkhams: hey … so,.. uhh… (looks at notecards) did you uh did …you fall out of heaven because um (drops cards) shit fuck oh god fuck im so sorry youre-youre just s o.pretty i m soryr
3ridan: do you ever look around at the big crowds of people around you and realize everyone has a story and memories and family and troubles and achievements and a first kiss and a broken heart but you’ll never know any of it and every human life is really intricate and expansive but oh they’ve walked into a shop and you’ll never see them again and you’ll never know just what they were...
tawnyshine: cowboybeboop: viste: cowboybeboop: reblog if u were on tumblr before yahoo bought it IT’S LITERALLY BEEN LIKE A DAY AND WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TRYING TO ACHIEVE WITH THIS POST only a true tumblrite would understand. you just outed yourself as a yahooligan YAHOOLIGAN You just wanted to use the term “Yahooligan” didn’t you?
brandnewswastikas: I like it when a girl has a food stain on her shirt because it means that she’s bad with spoons and will probably need me to feed her and I’m good with spoons so it will give me a chance to show off a little.
walkthroughthegarden: fishingboatproceeds: the-blog-of-anne-frank: I just realized that “pun intended” is a pun on “unintended” and I’m literally about to gouge my eyes out I’m so angry This. Changes. Everything. jesus christ.
Anonymous asked: What's your name?
andrewhussiesbosom: if you nice to me then I’ll but if you give me shit Imma
Getting on your period right before a big event
1upincantsing: smileyrosieee: iwannabeahistorymaker: and you’re like So accurate it hurts I’ve almost cried a couple of times in the past.. im sorry i think you meant every convention i have ever attended One of my greatest fears is that I’ll get my period on my wedding day and ruin my pretty white wedding dress in front of everybody.
aftershe: egberts: lets have a sleepover and ignore each other while we blog and occasionally show eachother funny text posts
alrights: alrights: alrights: help im broke i spent all my money on coffee jk i have 5 more dollars just enough for another coffee help im broke i spent all my money on coffee
haithinkimfunny: queenestelle: gothist: GET IGNORED SO MUCH BITCHES CALL ME TERMS AND CONDITIONS at least you get accepted no matter what that’s the most uplifting thing i’ve seen all day
canadianslut: I wish my name was Zoe so I could introduce myself like this
familyfriendlyurl: If You Cant Handle Me At My Worst You Dont Deserve Me At My Best Which Is The Same As My Worst Because I Am Trash
“guess what” “what” “no you have to guess”
watchtheskytonight: geekchicbooks: missbibliophile: Isn’t it weird how you would say ‘on’ if you’re talking about a tv show and ‘in’ if it was a movie? like “she was on Doctor Who” “she was in The Avengers” I never even thought about this before. we are becoming aware
I bet David Spade really misses Chris Farley.– a 50-something Midwestern tourist mom, to her 30-something Midwestern tourist daughter on the subway today, after a long silence (via christinefriar)
wartortles: wartortles: its so sad that blind people cant see the internet *single tear drops down face* thats so beautiful
i do this really cute thing where i shut down and hate everybody
riseofthecommonwoodpile: you walk into a chicago pizza joint, you spend time perusing their extensive deep dish pizza menu. this is real pizza, you think to yourself. new york doesn’t even know. your waiter comes over. “what kind of pizza would you like today Sir?” this is the question you’ve been waiting for. you’ve been practicing. this time it will be different, this time you’ll know what...
partybarackisinthehousetonight: pro tip: fill the piñata with absolutely nothing to prepare your kids for the letdowns of adulthood